“The doors were locked where they were.” That is how the Bible actually begins this story of Jesus finding his disciples. I know your Bible talks about a house where the disciples were gathered, but the actual Greek text says nothing about a house. It does not specify any place at all. All we know is that “the doors were locked where they were.”
I like that. That little hint of mystery is enough for the Holy Spirit to draw me into the story. I am drawn in because I have been there; doors locked where I was, unable to move forward in life.
And, I am sure that you have been there too. How many dreams never came true because the doors were locked in front of you? How many opportunities did you fail to take because fear of taking a chance kept you locked away? How many times have you felt as if your hands were tied, or your doors closed, or the opportunities just dried up? The Bible says that “the doors were locked where they were.” I get that.
You have no idea the amount of times that Jesus has showed me possibilities in life, but I have been too afraid to take the step forward, or it just has not been the right time. You have no idea how many times I locked the doors to the possibilities.
I take that back, maybe you do. Maybe, like me, you deeply understand the fearful hearts of Jesus’ disciples as they lock themselves away, right where they are, out of fear of those who they imagine would do them harm.
Is their fear real? It is hard to know, because the disciples do not step out to test it. They have chosen to be lost.
Sometimes we choose to be lost. Sometimes we choose to lock ourselves away. Sometimes the world convinces us to lock ourselves away from the possibilities that God provides.
That is just a simple fact of life. So, it is a good thing that Jesus is really, really good at finding. Jesus finds Philip and calls him to follow. Jesus finds a man by a pool of water who needs to be seen, and found, and healed. The gospel of John makes it very clear that Jesus is really, really good at finding. It is sort of his thing. Almost as if it were his mission statement, Jesus promises: “I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one will snatch them out of my hand” (John 10:28).
With Jesus, we cannot be lost. We are always found. We are never snatched away from Jesus’ grasp, even when we have locked ourselves away.
We are really good at hiding behind locked doors.
But, Jesus is really good at breaking free of locked places. Jesus breaks free of the tomb. Jesus breaks free of death itself. No door is going to hold him back. Jesus is really good at bursting through locked spaces.
So, it should be no surprise to learn that Jesus is really good at finding us when we lock our doors.
It is as if those locked doors are nothing. Jesus just shows up and finds us. Remember, Jesus finds where the disciples have locked themselves away. He simply walks through the door, shows them his wounds, and then breathes on them the peace that only the Holy Spirit of God can provide.
This peace evaporates the disciples’ fear. This peace fills the disciples with Jesus’ presence. This peace moves the disciples away from their fears, and frees them from all that is locking them away.
I have to say, “I want that.” This peace is something that I desperately want whenever I feel locked away, unable to breathe or move. I want Jesus to find me. I want Jesus to just show up. I want Jesus to breathe on me with the power of eternal peace so that my burden vanishes and I am free to move on. I want Jesus to find me.
It is like how I really wanted to be found the day that I became separated from my parents in the mall. I was around age four. I had been walking through the mall with my family, holding my mom’s hand, when something caught my attention and I veered to the right when my family, unknowingly, had veered to the left. After looking at the toy that had captured my attention, I followed my father’s jeans past a few more stores in the mall before realizing that the guy in my father’s jeans was not my father. I had followed the wrong jeans. I twirled around, my parents were nowhere in sight. And, I broke down in tears right there in the middle of the crowded mall.
I just wanted to be found. I just did not want to be alone.
A woman once described to me the day that she miscarried and lost all of her hopes and dreams in a single event at 11pm in her bathroom. Her husband was at work, and she did not want to wake anyone else with a phone call to share her devastating news. In a daze she walked our of her home, wandering the streets in the dark, just wanting to be found. She just did not want to be left alone.
And, that is right where Thomas finds himself. He was not there that first day when Jesus shows up. He was not there to see the scars on his hands and the wound in his side. He was not there to touch his Lord. He was not found by Jesus that first glorious Sunday.
All Thomas wanted was to be found. All he wanted was the very gift that all of his friends were given, to see Jesus and be with Jesus. He could not believe their wild tale of Jesus’ resurrection because he was not the one who was found. He did not get what he so desperately wanted that first Sunday. He just wanted to be found. He just did not want to be alone.
And, sometimes that is where we feel we are, lost and alone, waiting to be found. The gospel writer knows it too. That is why he is writing this story in the first place, because he does not want anyone to be in the same boat as Thomas. “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe” (John 20:29).
Sometimes the wait for Easter is excruciating. Sometimes waiting for the Lord to find us tries us and tests us. Sometimes we shout at those who have seen the Lord, “I will not believe!” Sometimes it is hard to wait until that next Sunday.
And, if you are still waiting for that next Sunday, when Jesus just might finally show himself to you, I have a story to share. It is a story that is full of the promise of Jesus and his resurrection. It is the story of one who cannot be trapped away in a tomb. It is the story of one who cannot be kept outside of our locked spaces. It is the story of one who never loses the ones to whom he holds tightly. It is the story that goes like this:
“26A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” 27Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” 28Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” 29Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” 30Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. 31But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.” (John 20:26-31)
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