Reflection on John 21:1-19

“Aren’t you one of his disciples?” 

The question echoed around the charcoal fire.  All gathered at the fire warming their hands turned their attention to Peter.  They stared at the man who arrived at the same time Jesus arrived to be questioned.  They stared at the man who cut off the ear of one of those individual’s relatives.  They stared at Peter, questioning if he was one of Jesus’ disciples, and Peter looked them square in the eye and stated:  “I AM not.” 

He did this three times.  Three times he denied being a disciple.

You might be forgiven for assuming that Peter denied knowing Jesus three times.  That is the way that things went down in the other gospels, but, in the gospel of John Peter does not so much deny knowing Jesus, rather he denies being a disciple. 

Peter does not require forgiveness from Jesus for not believing in him, rather he requires forgiveness from himself for not seeking to be who God created him to be. 

In the charcoal fire scene, Peter refuses to be a disciple.  And, I think that a lot of us can relate.

Just the other day someone told me that they do not do the things that disciples usually do.  They do not go to worship; they do not pray as others pray; and they do not try to share with anyone the good news.  What they do go out and do is take a hike into the woods in order to enjoy God’s creation.  “That is how I worship the Lord,” they said. 

Do not get me wrong, I too love heading into the wooded coverings of God’s creation and find great joy in marveling at all that God has made.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Just do not confuse that meditative practice with all that it means to follow Jesus. 

No one is going to crucify you for meditating in the woods.  How would they even know that is why you were out there? 

Now they may crucify you for defending God’s creation if you were to tie yourself to a tree in the rainforest as you faced down multiple bulldozers.  That would look a little more like discipleship than strolling in the woods.  Risking your life for the sake of God’s creation looks a little more like Jesus’ action on the cross than a simple walk I the woods.

I guess what I am trying to say is not so much to go tie yourself to a tree, though that is fine if you feel compelled to do so, but more to the point is that it is easy and even common for us to deny our discipleship. 

Golf rather than worship; sentiments of spirituality rather than taking action and fighting for the lowly; not disrupting the family gathering by refusing to say anything about your faith; and walking by the poor, labeling them as lazy, rather than offering some bread to eat; all of these are examples in one way or another of staring people in the eye as you stand around the charcoal fire and stating “I am not one of his disciples.”

But, today’s scripture reading is not about those three denials of Peter, nor is it about our failure to follow Jesus just at the point when Jesus needs us to follow the most.  Today is about something much better. 

Today is about the abundance that Jesus provides even in the face of our denials.  Today is about Jesus filling our nets with fish anyway.  Today is about the abundance of God’s grace for those disciples who may not have figured out how to follow Jesus the first or second or ninth times around.  I am probably on something like 1048^th go around at following Jesus, not that I have been keeping track.  But, none of that matters because today is not about keeping track of our failures, but rather is about the new opportunity that God is providing.

After the three refusals to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, Peter is given three opportunities to recommit to following Jesus. 

Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my lambs."  A second time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Tend my sheep."  He said to him the third time, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter felt hurt because he said to him the third time, "Do you love me?" And he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep.

Three times Peter is given the chance to declare his love of Jesus, and three times Peter is encouraged to be who God created him to be.  “Feed my lambs.”  “Tend my sheep.”  “Feed my sheep.”

“Why do not people follow Jesus these days?” I have often heard asked. 

I do not think that they answer is all that complicated actually.  It seems that many people simply do not know how, or were never told. 

The church has been very good about telling people that they need to believe.  “Believe in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.”  But, the church has not necessarily been as good about telling people what trusting in the Lord looks like. 

It looks like feeding tender lambs.  It looks like caring for the lowly and giving holy attention to little ones. 

It also looks a lot like tending the sheep.  It looks a lot like guiding others in the ways of Jesus Christ. 

It also looks a lot like feeding sheep.  It looks a lot like offering an abundant meal of fish and an abundant meal of trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. 

In other words, trusting in the Lord looks a lot like having a relationship with Jesus and having an actual relationship with those whom Jesus loves.

The girl seemingly had no one.  When I saw her, she was in the children’s behavioral science unit in the hospital.  She was officially there for suicidal behavior and for cutting, but as she shared her story in the spirituality group that I was leading it became obvious that the real reason she was there was in the hospital was because her parents had forgotten her. 

The girl actually came from a very wealthy family, and that was part of the problem.  The parents had all the money in the world to travel to exotic destinations together, and they did…a lot.  The young teen was left home alone…a lot.  She literally had no one most of the time.  Even that day in the hospital, as she spoke to the others in the group, the parents took the opportunity that her hospitalization provided for a trip to Spain.  They called the hospital periodically to get an update on her progress.  She needed someone, anyone, to be there for her.  That group setting was the first time that I saw her, but it was not the last.

The next time that I saw her, she was at the mall.  Remember malls, those fun places that people used to go to together to shop and have fun together?  I saw her in a mall that, at the time, was thriving.  I saw her through the crowd in the food court.  She was having fun talking with someone.  Shopping bags were at her feet and a laugh was on her face.  The bandages were no longer on her wrists. 

I walked up and said “Hi.”  She smiled at me and introduced me to her “big sister.”  No, the girl was an only child, this was not her biological sister; this was her sister through the Big Brothers and Big Sisters program. 

I also recognized the Big Sister; she was follower of Jesus Christ who had an incredible love of children.  She loved helping with the Sunday School in her church as well as the church youth group, and here she was, out feeding one of her lambs.  She had taken the girl to church earlier in the day (allowing her to help teach Sunday School), and now they were eating at the mall.  It was not a net full of fish, but it was a grace-filled feeding none-the-less for a girl who was once lost and alone but now had been found.  And, it was all because her Big Sister decided she wanted to be not just a believer but a disciple.

The Big Sister refused to give up on this girl, and similarly, that is what I love about Peter’s story: Jesus refused to give up on the man.  Jesus continued to abundantly provide for the guy, even though he denied being a disciple.  Jesus continued to work on the guy, showing him the empty tomb and his wounds.  Then Jesus encouraged one last time to love and serve.  And, Peter did. 

It gives me hope that the 1049^th time around, I might get this following thing figured out.  What a beautiful thing it is to be a follower of Christ.  What a beautiful thing it is to live in love.