Reflection on Matthew 28:16-20

 

Matthew 28:16-20

¹⁶ Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. ¹⁷ When they saw him, they worshiped him, but they doubted. ¹⁸ And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Reflection

“They worshiped him, but they doubted” (Matthew 28:17).  During my college years this was one of the single most important Bible verses to my life.  It was my life.  You see, I still went to worship but my mind was full of doubts every moment I was there.  I sang the hymns with those strong words full of faith (“Great is they faithfulness, oh Lord my Father”) but I greatly doubted the meaning of the words.  I trusted in the Lord but was not sure if he was even real.  How is that even possible?  But it was true and this Bible verse was a comfort to me because it explained my entire life of faith at that moment in time.  “They worshiped him, but they doubted” (Matthew 28:17). 

As I said, even though I doubted I still went to worship, I sang the songs, and I even got up front and read the scriptures when asked to help lead chapel.  That last part felt a little ironic.  There I was, standing in front of a bunch of other students, reading the scriptures to build up their faith when I doubted every word streaming out of my mouth.  But that seems to be how Jesus works.  Scared and homesick, freshman heard a word of comfort from the Lord, who seemed to be using the mouth of someone who was not sure if he believed a word of it himself. 

But I was not the first doubting person that Jesus used to proclaim the good news.  We read right here that there were followers of Jesus who worshiped Jesus and doubted him all at the same time up.  And up on that mountain of commissioning Jesus chose those doubting worshipers as the very people who would “make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you” (Matthew 28:19-20).  Jesus intentionally chose to use these broken and confused people who, at the same time, both worshiped him and doubted him.  That is just amazing to me that Jesus would do that.  Why not choose someone who trusts fully?  Why not choose someone who has been following God’s word for years and years without a single doubt?

I asked one of my religion professors that once and he replied, “Only people who doubt can smell what is false and fake.  People who doubt are the only ones who actually trust in the Lord as the Lord is and not who they wish God to be.  They refuse to be fooled into trusting false gods.  Do not lose your ability to doubt” he urged me.  “It is a gift.”

I was not so sure that I believed him.  The monks I visited one time on a trip with a religion class all appeared to have no doubts.  They seemed pretty good and holy to me.  They were doing God’s good work while they worshiped and trusted fully. But the Bible seems to agree with my professor; and besides, I had no way of knowing whether or not they had doubts.

The Bible teaches us that the Lord chose people who, at the same time, worshiped and doubted.  They were the ones chosen to spread his good news.  And if the Bible says it, I figured that I would have to be happy with that.  So, I adopted the Bible verse.  “They worshiped him, but they doubted” (Matthew 28:17). 

It is not like this dynamic of faith was completely foreign to me.  I have long remembered a time when I was very young that I was sitting on my dad’s shoulders as we wandered through a tractor show.  As he talked on and on with other guys about the tractors of their youth, I was drawn to look at the dark storm clouds that were barreling toward us in the Nebraska skies.  I pointed to the dark clouds, but my dad just kept talking.  What is up with parents and talking anyway?  Who has that much to say to anyone?  The wind started to pick up, and dust started to fly into my face.  Remember, I was very little, and I started to panic.  The wind became strong and I felt as if I was going to fall.  All I could imagine was a tornado coming to swipe me away as the rain started to pelt my face.  I grabbed tight with hands and started to cry uncontrollably, seemingly alone in the face of a storm that threatened to tear me apart.  I closed my eyes, crying uncontrollably and when I opened them again, I noticed that I was being held tight in my dad’s arms, held close to his chest with him whispering in my ear, “It’s OK, we’re inside now.  You are going to be fine.  I was here the entire time, Jira.  You don’t need to worry.  I am always with you.”

“I am always with you.”

The promise echoes in my ears still.  “I am always with you.”  Even as a child I both held tight and doubted, all at the same time.  “Next time don’t pull on my hair so hard,” my dad said rubbing his head.  “It is hard to run to shelter when your hair is being pulled out of your head.  You can always just talk to me when you are scared.  I will listen.”

He was right, not once did I talk to my dad as the storm approached.  I just pointed and panicked.  That seems to be the story of my life: just point and panic.  If only I had talked to him.  If only I had acted as if he was right there with me as he promised.  “I am always with you.”

Jesus gives us the same promise.  As the disciples worshiped and doubted, Jesus gave them their great commission to baptize and teach, and then as if he knew how hard it would be for worshiping doubters to actually do this stuff, Jesus promises, “Remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).  The same as my dad, he wants us to remember that he is there, we just need to talk.  “Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you” (Matthew 7:7).  Jesus is assuring us, “I am always there, you can always just talk to me.”

Now, I have to admit that in adulthood, prayer has not always been my strongest faith quality.  Give me a theological conundrum and I will explore ideas with the best of them.  Give me an impossible scripture and I will study until the wisdom of the scripture unlocks itself.  But prayer?  I have often continued to be a point, panic, and pull hair sort of guy.  So, people who have a strong prayer life have always intrigued me.

Recently I had a good conversation with one of these people of prayer.  Actually, the conversation was supposed to be about the nature of the Trinity: One God with three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, coequal, one but three, all of whom can be worshiped, praised, and to whom we can pray.  Feeling like we were standing firmly in my field of expertise, theology, where headiness prevails, the faithful woman started talking about God as the Trinity in terms of personal prayer.

She said, “There are so many times in life that I cannot make heads or tails of anything, so I will pray to a person of the Trinity.  When I have run out of ideas of what to do in any given situation, I will ask God the Father, who created everything, to give me the power to create something new and good and holy.  We are created in the image of God after-all.  I think that means that we have been given God’s power to create.  So, I pray to God the Father to help me create something new.

Of course, when I mess everything up, which, undoubtedly, I will do, I pray to Jesus to forgive me, yet again.  I ask Jesus to wash away my sin and ask him to guide me as I try again for a second and third and fifteenth time.

And when I am really struggling in life and feel like all life is being squeezed out of me, I pray to the Holy Spirit to breathe some new life back into me.  I prayed for that very thing while I was in the hospital, lying in bed after my stroke, hoping that I might walk and talk again.  I prayed to the Spirit to breathe some life into my family when my family and I were not getting along.  And do you know what?  The Spirit was there for me each time, just as Jesus promised.”

Is that not one of the most faithful explanations of the Trinity that you have ever heard?  She was so real in her discipleship.  She was a worshiping, faulty, doubter who prayed and trusted.  Jesus uses people like her.  Jesus chooses worshiping, faulty doubters who pray and trust to spread the good news of his kingdom where the powerless, the meek and the grief stricken all inherit the kingdom and find a place with God. 

So, next time that you are brought from the heights of faith, into the realm that fear and doubt as the storm approaches, look down and know that Jesus has a tight grip on you as you ride his shoulders.  Know that he is always with you.  Know that you can lean down and talk to him.  Know that you can talk to God the Father, and God the Holy Spirit as well.  And know that you are the right one to face this storm.  Your doubt is not your weakness; it is your strength.  It is what allows you to truly trust, not knowing the result or expecting anything really…just trusting because you have no other choice. 

In Jesus eyes, you are enough.  You are chosen as you are.  Jesus chooses worshiping doubters like you and like me all the time, and that has always proven to be a good thing.  Thanks be to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.  Amen.