Mark 10:2-16 (NRSV)
2Some Pharisees came, and to test [Jesus] they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” 5But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. 6But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
10Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; 12and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
13People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. 14But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. 15Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” 16And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.
Reflection
“What God has joined together, let no one
separate” (Mark 10:9). You have certainly heard these words
before. They are spoken at nearly every
Christian wedding, after the man and the woman have exchanged their rings and
their promises to one another. In a
world which drives people apart from one another through harsh words and
violence, it is a declaration that God has overcome the evil forces of the
world and brought two people together to become “one flesh” (Mark 10:8).
“What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9).
At weddings, we can see this miracle of God just mere feet away from us as the two gaze into each other’s eyes, share a kiss, and promise to love one another until death. This man and this woman have been drawn together by God, through an endlessly forgiving sort of love, to live as one, to act as one, and to be one. It is beautiful. “No, that’s not a tear in my eye, there’s just dust in the air.”
“What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9).
Of course, it is easy to see what this phrase means in the context of marriage; namely that since God that drew two people together in marriage, then a marriage should not so easily be dissolved. Divorce cannot be taken lightly because God does not take the division of what God has put together lightly.
Now, it may be hard to hear this message in some very difficult and abusive sort of situations, but the idea at least is easy to understand. I have to tell you though, that just the other day I was invited by God to think about this phrase in a much wider way than just marriage: “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9).
At least, I think that it was God inviting me, because it all happened in a dream. Two days ago, I had one of those stress inducing dreams where I had a number of deadlines coming up, and I was ill prepared to meet any of them. Who knows where this dream came from? It is not like I have a play coming up, a retreat to teach, meetings to attend, worship services to prepare, and a bunch of appointments to get the family to…all with just one vehicle I might add. Where do such dreams come from? Who knows?
In any case, in the dream I am just emotionally floundering, unable to figure out how to step ahead and accomplish all of my tasks when my granddaughter Trinity comes up from behind, taps me on the shoulder, and says to me, “Opa, you know you don’t have to do this all alone.” She came around to the front of me, looked me square in the eyes, and repeated, “You don’t have to do this alone.” And, that is when I woke up.
“You don’t have to do this alone.” The words may not be scriptural, but they are certainly holy words. After-all, in the very beginning of time God pondered aloud, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner” (Genesis 2:18). God essentially said to the first human, “You don’t have to do this alone.” Then God took some clay from the ground and made a bunch of animals, trying to create a suitable partner; but God did not find a suitable partner for the human among the animals. So, God took part of the man’s side and formed it into a woman.
“Then the man said, This at last is bone of my bones and flesh or my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken” (Genesis 2:23).
I just want to note here that the word for “helper” in the Hebrew, which is “Ezer,” does not mean someone who just follows orders. The woman is not the slave created for the man in any way shape or form. In fact, the word “helper” is most often used as a name referring to God.
Just think of Psalm 33:20 where it says, “Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our [helper] and shield.” Ezer is a powerful word that, grammatically, is a combination of two words, one meaning “to rescue,” or “to save,” and the other meaning “to be strong.” So, in Psalm 33:20, God is our “Ezer.” God is our “strong rescuer.” Likewise, the woman is a “strong rescuer,” given as a gift to the lonely man.
“You don’t have to do this alone.” We all have been given Ezers. We all have been given “strong rescuers” so that we do not need to face the world alone.
If that is true, then it is also true that when we push others away, we are rejecting our Ezers; we are rejecting our gifts from God.
But, “You don’t have to do this alone.”
I truly think that this is why Jesus is not so hot on what was termed in his time as “any reason” divorce. It was the hot topic of the day, so it is no wonder that Jesus was asked about it. Religious people in Jesus’ time got into heated debates, back and forth, about whether or not a man can divorce his wife for any reason. And, without getting too far into the nuts and bolts of this ancient argument, some people argued that a man can, indeed, divorce for any reason what-so-ever. But, others argued that there are extremely limited circumstances under which someone can divorce, such as unfaithfulness.
And, to all of the heated arguments going back and forth, Jesus answers, “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9). In other words, we need our Ezers. We are each other’s Ezers. We are each other’s strong rescuers. We do not need to do this alone.
Jesus’ answer does not give us a clear, true for all time, answer concerning when divorce is permissible. That is not his point as he gives an answer to this ancient debate. But, he does give us an idea of what needs to happen when the terrible breakup of a marriage occurs. He does give us an idea of what needs to happen when the pressure cooker of life squeezes the life out of us and we do not know what to do: We need our Ezers. We are each other’s strong rescuers. We need to be surrounded by those who forgive us, and love us, and help us when we cannot help ourselves. We do not need to do this alone.
In fact, in all of the stories surrounding this teaching on divorce, Jesus tries to make certain that people are not being pushed further apart. Jesus desires that they be drawn closer together.
In Mark 9:37, Jesus welcomes a little child and tells the disciples to do the same. We do not need to do this alone.
Following that story, Jesus chastises his disciples for stopping and pushing away a stranger who is casting out demons in Jesus’ name. “Whoever is not against us is for us” Jesus responds (Mark 9:40). We do not need to do this alone.
Right after that Jesus teaches that anyone who reaches out and stops someone from coming to him should cut off his hand. We do not cause others to stumble. Followers of Jesus should know that we do not need to do this alone.
Then we have this teaching about the two becoming one flesh, and that a woman should not simply be cast away…nor should a guy for that matter, Jesus says. The two being made “one flesh” should not frivolously be reversed through divorce. We do not need to do this alone.
And, then we finish with a story where the disciples, who have been taught to always welcome the children and not push anyone away, are found yelling at some children who want to come and touch Jesus. Jesus yells back at them, “Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs” (Mark 10:14). Even the no worth, snot nosed little children are welcome in God’s kingdom. We do not need to do this alone.
No one needs to do any of this alone. We have a God who chose to come down from the heavens to live and walk and talk with us. No one needs to do any of this alone. We have a God who chose to take our sins, get nailed to a cross with those sins, and to bury those sins forever in the lonely, cold ground so that the kingdom would be ours, together. No one needs to do any of this alone.
“What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9). Yes, this refers to husbands and wives who are drawn to one another by God, but it also refers to adults and children who are drawn together; strangers and those already in the club who are drawn together; those who are thirsty and those with water who are drawn together; those who are single and good friends who are drawn together; grandpas who are stressed out and grandchildren who offer to help who are drawn together, and God bringing the kingdom down to the earth and drawing the lost, hurt, and lonely inside. “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9). We do not need to do this alone.
It is the promise of Jesus to us when he says in the gospel of John: “When I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself” (John 12:32). We do not need to do this alone.
“I don’t know how to do this,” the woman said as she contemplated leaving the man who beat her daily, leaving dark bruises, and who controlled every single aspect of her life. She did not even know how to write a check. She did not know how to pay a bill. She did not know how to get a job, nor did she know how to drive a car in order to get to that job. “I don’t know how to do this,” the woman said. A follower of Jesus answered her, “You do not need to do this alone. I will help you with all of it.”
“But, I am not supposed to leave him,” she said.
“I am pretty sure those bruises mean that he left your loving marriage a long time ago. You are supposed to be his wife, not his punching bag. But, it is up to you. I just want you to know that you are not alone. You do not need to do this alone.”
And after that, the woman did not go through it alone any longer. Thanks be to God.
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