Psalm 51 is attributed to King David, and it portrays the time after David has ordered Uriah to be killed in battle so that he is free to take Uriah’s wife for himself. The prophet Nathan confronts David with the truth of his actions, and this sends David into a heart wrenching period where he agonizes over the state of his own blackened heart; a good heart that had somehow become rebellious and horribly twisted, causing it to miss the mark, to miss its goal, to fail in accomplishing what it was created for.
He describes himself as being filled with “offenses” which literally means being filled with “rebelliousness.” David sees himself as rebelling against God and all that God had hoped for in his life.
He asks to be washed clean because “wickedness” sticks out of his heart like twisted branches on a thorn bush. “Wickedness” here literally means “bent and twisted.” He has become twisted and gnarled, with a heart that is unrecognizable when compared to its younger self.
He cries out to be washed of his “sin.” He wants all that drags him away from his God-given goal to be washed away in the same way that God flooded the earth in order to wash away the evil that had attached itself to it. He no longer wants to “miss the mark.” He no longer wants to miss the goal of his God given life.
“Have mercy,” he cries. “Blot out my offenses,” he begs. “Wash me,” he asks. “Cleanse me,” he calls. “Create in me a clean heart,” he sings.
“I don’t want to be forgiven,” the young man pleaded confusingly. The young man had hurt his mother deeply. He had stolen his mother’s wedding ring. Each night, his mother would crawl into bed and kiss her ring “goodnight” in the same way she had kissed her husband each night before the cancer stole him away from her. Then, she would bring the ring down from her lips, place it in a small bowl on her nightstand, turn toward where he used to lay, and she would go to sleep.
It was the same ritual of love every night. Her son had seen it a thousand times.
So, when he had run out of funds to pay for his addiction, and he found himself in a life-threatening situation of debt, he snuck in quietly one night, took the ring, and sold it.
His mother was heartbroken. Not only had she lost her husband. Not only had she lost her wedding ring. Not only had she lost the one ritual that kept her broken heart from falling completely apart each night. Now, she had lost her son, and he knew it. He saw it in her blank face. He saw it in her emotionless eyes. He saw the ties between their hearts snap right in front of his face, and he was ashamed. Like David, he wondered how his heart had become so rebellious, and twisted, and broken.
“I don’t want to be forgiven,” the young man pleaded. “Forgiveness is not enough. I have been forgiven a million times and it hasn’t done any good. I want a new heart. I want a new life. I want things to be completely new between us,” he said of his relationship with his mother. “I want God to make for me a completely new heart.”
One day, some Greeks, some people who knew little about the Jews and their religion and their ways, but obviously wanted to know more because they attended a Jewish festival, asked if they could, please, talk to Jesus. Philip, who knew how to speak Greek, told Andrew of these Greek people’s request, and they both went and told Jesus. Apparently, Jesus’ vision of “drawing all people to himself” was starting to come true, and he had not even placed a hand or foot on the cross (John 12:32). Even before he had spread wide his arms on the cross in a tortuous, self-giving love to all people, people were being drawn to him and to his message.
Jesus taught things that spoke to their hearts. Jesus taught in ways that they could understand. He taught that, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:23-24).
Jesus taught that grain must fall to the earth and die. If it gets stuck in the air, attached permanently to the plant, it will be good for nothing. If it is eaten, it is just a single morsel of life for the one who eats it, barely sustaining any life at all. But, if the grain falls into the ground and dies, buried in the tomb of the soil, it will become alive, grow, and bear so much more fruit and life than it could have ever done if it had not died.
Sometimes things need to die completely before something new can grow up. Jesus says, “Those who love their life lose it,” those who like their life just as it is in its broken form will get lost in their life and lose all purpose, “and those who hate their life in this world” those who let it go and let it die as it is, “will keep it for eternal life” (John 12:25). This seems like a message that the shame stricken young man needed to hear. It seems like a message that King David was finally realizing. Sometimes hearts need to break and die, before God can give them new life. Sometimes people’s hearts require more than forgiveness, sometimes hearts need to be created again from scratch.
“And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself” (John 12:32). This is Jesus' promise to us; who have hearts that have faltered and failed.
Those who struggle with hearts that are rebellious and broken, come to the outstretched hands of the one who will still accept you in an embrace. Though you may have burned all other bridges in your life, you cannot possibly burn this bridge. Allow Jesus to create a new heart.
Those whose hearts have become twisted and unrecognizable, understand that the pain of burning those twisted branches and burning away that old life is not your heavenly condemnation. It is not the beginning of hell, though it may feel that way. Rather it is essential to clearing the space for a new heart of love and a new life. Those who have been through the flames understand that Jesus arms are outstretched even for you.
Those who have fallen short of who they had hoped to be and have painted a life that is not as beautiful as God had likely hoped, know that you can still find your rest in the outstretched arms of Jesus, who welcomes the failures and doubters and strugglers and dead. Know that Jesus holds you close as he rises out of the ground to new life, creating a new heart even in you.
Have mercy on us, O God. Wash us. Restore joy and wisdom deep within our hearts. “Restore to [us] the joy of your salvation and sustain [us] with your bountiful Spirit” (Psalm 51:12).
"Create In Me"
Words and Music: Jira Albers; © 2010 by Jira Albers. Posted with Permission. All Rights Reserved.
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