Parents, do you feel it in your house?
It is the same thing that been happening your entire lives. It started that very first day when the umbilical cord was cut and you mothers could no longer feel your child’s every kick. The birth was joyous, of course, but the separation was rough all the same.
It happened when they took their first steps and they no longer needed your hand to get around. It was a great day of freedom for them and freedom for your own arms, but the sense of separation was tangible all the same.
It happened again when they got on the bus and left you behind. They rode off to new adventures at school, and you walked back to a quieter home. It was a wonderful step forward for them and a little bit of relief for yourself, but the tears still came as you walked back into the house.
And, certainly, you have felt this one coming. The symptoms look something like disagreements between parent and child that have happened quite recently that probably resulted in the quick closing of doors or the raising of voices.
It looks a lot like the child is pushing away, seeking freedom and independence, and the parent might look like they are agreeing. “You want to do it all your own way? Fine! Go live under your own roof and do it your own way!”
It might look and sound like that, to some degree at least.
However, it could also look like a sudden clinginess on the part of the parent or the child…a clinginess like you have not seen since they were four years old and looking with fear into their preschool room for the first time.
Whether it looks like conflict or looks like a sudden need for togetherness (or a mix of both) it is all the same thing: grief.
God is sending these graduates on in life, and there is nothing you can do about it but grieve the loss of them and the way things used to be. Whether they are going off to college, a trade school, work, or the military, the old part of their life is done, and a new one is starting.
The words of Isaiah come to mind: “Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old. I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?”
Well, one thing is clear, we perceive it all right. But, what we may not have allowed to sink in fully enough is that God is about to do something new with their lives; and it is unknown; and it is scary; and it is not under your control; and it is coming…soon.
How do parents deal with such a thing? How do you deal with the loss of your child and their childhood?
How about you try doing what faithful people have been doing since the ancient days of Israel; give them your blessing.
It is hard enough to leave and move on, but it is even harder if you do not have a blessing to accompany you on the way. Bless your children in the name of the Lord, that they may go with the heart of God filling their soul. Bless your children that they may have the grace of God in Jesus Christ with them every step of the way. Bless your children that they may also have your love with them every step of the way.
The ancient blessing from Numbers 6:24-26 goes like this, certainly you’ve heard it before:
The Lord bless you and keep you,
the Lord’s face shine on you with grace and mercy
the Lord look upon you with favor
and give you peace.
We often hear this blessing coming from the pastor as we leave the church, but imagine tonight that it is actually a holy blessing from a parent to a child as they move on to the new things that the Lord has in store.
As you look at your child, you say, “The Lord bless you and keep you.” You say that because you can no longer protect them. That is now fully up to the Lord. It is scary to let them go, but they need to know the truth, the Lord will be with them the whole time.
You say to your child, “the Lord’s face shine on you with grace and mercy,” because you know the next step in life is a lot of trial and error…you have been there before…you’ve made all the mistakes that 20 year olds make and figured out the successes…you know. But, you want your child to know that they are held tightly in the forgiveness of Jesus’ cross the whole time. They can try, fail, be forgiven, and try again. The Lord’s mercy is there always.
You say to your child, “the Lord look upon you with favor” because you want the best for them, and they need to know that. Sometimes it might not seem like it from their perspective, but they need to know you desire the very best for their future. They also need to know that the Lord also wants the best, so you ask that they may thrive in God’s favor.
And, finally, you look them in the eyes and say, “and give you peace” because what more could you want for their lives but to live in ways of peace. May they have peace, and may they be a source of peace to those around.
I do not have a lot of wisdom to give you parents beyond that, because letting go of someone is actually pretty simple...you just let them walk away, and at the same time it is one of the hardest thing you will ever have to do. But, a giving a blessing will help.
Parents, please stand now, look at your child, and repeat after me:
The Lord bless you and keep you,
the Lord’s face shine on you with grace and mercy
the Lord look upon you with favor
and give you peace.
Amen.
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