“It feels like I am completely lost,” a student once told me after one of his parents had died from cancer.
“It feels like I am just walking around, going through the motions; going to class and walking down the hall to the next class, but I’m not really there. It feels like I am completely lost.”
I suppose it would.
What if the grounding force of your life had simply just vanished? What if the one who fixed your breakfast, drove you to school, loved you when friends hurt you, and gave you a kiss at night simply disappeared in an instant?
In a moment’s time you would have to learn how to live a completely new life. You would have to cook your own eggs, climb onto the bus (which you have never done before), suck it up when there is trouble at school, and go to bed alone. Or, less dramatically, these things would come from elsewhere. In either case, it is an upset to your world that would send you into uncharted territory. You would feel lost.
Speaking of lost; just where is Thomas wandering about on that first Sunday when Jesus appears to the disciples? He is not there in that locked room with the other disciples to hear the words, “Peace be with you.” He is not there to see the scars where the nails drove through Jesus’ hands or feel the slash where the spear pierced Jesus’ side.
I can only assume that he is lost. Like any of us would be when the guiding force in our lives just disappears, he is wandering aimlessly in life from one place to the next, just trying to get by.
The disciples try to cheer up the guy. After-all, they had seen the Lord! They try to make their experience of resurrection his experience of resurrection. But, it just does not work.
Maybe, he is too hurt. Maybe, he feels too lost. Maybe, he just does not want to do that thing once again where he puts his whole heart and soul into someone only to be deserted and destroyed through grief once again.
"Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe,” Thomas fires back at the exuberant disciples.
You know what would help? Jesus actually being there for Thomas on that day.
The boy who lost a parent told me about how a friend had assured him that his mother still loved him and watched out for him from heaven. The good intention of the friend was not helpful.
“You know what would help me right now? If Mom was right here to give me a hug. That is what would help,” he shouted just a little too loudly. "I do not want her loving me from heaven. I want her loving me right here, right now, and it’s not going to happen, is it pastor?”
It is one thing to be told that you are loved. It is another thing to actually be loved with a warm embrace.
When Thomas missed Jesus’ visit to the disciples, he missed another thing. It is an essential thing, I think. We might simply gloss over the words because they seem to be out of place, but they are not. Thomas misses hearing the words, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained."
Thomas misses hearing these words of promise from verses 22 and 23. But, they promise more than you might think at first glance.
Therefore, I want to take a moment to have some good old fashioned bible study right here and right now, because there is something important in these words that we are not able to see from the English translation.
Go ahead and pull out a bible and look up John 20:23.
The traditional way to translate this text is the way that the New Revised Standard Edition of the Bible translates:
“If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them.
If you retain [the sins] of any, they are retained.”
Take note of those brackets that I placed around “the sins” in the second phrase. Those words are not actually in the Greek text, which may have some relevance as to how we should appropriately translate this passage.
Before we look close at that, I would also like to point out that this phrase is not conditional when read in the Greek. By that I mean that there is no “if” in there. That is important to note because this is not a phrase that is intended to say, “Only if you do this, then something great will happen, but if you do not, you will miss out.” That is not the intention of the phrase.
Let’s go back to “the sins” that are non-existent in the second phrase. Translators put the words, “the sins” in the second phrase because the first phrase and second phrase are in the genitive clause. Me telling you that probably just put to sleep 98% of you who were never interested in taking a language class.
But, to get you back on board, you should know that most genitives are possessive. I could say that his paper sitting in front of me “is the paper of me.” In other words, “This is my paper.”
Since the second phrase is in the genitive state, it would seem to need something to posses. Seeing nothing in the immediate area, they assume that the object of possession is “the sins” from the former phrase.
“If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them.
If you retain [the sins] of any, they are retained.”
However, biblical scholar Dr. Sandra Schneiders smartly points out that you do not need to be throwing in extra words that are not there in the first place because a word in the genitive state does not have to be possessive. It can just stand on its own and be a subject in and of itself.
This changes the meaning a little bit. Her rough translation would read:
“Of whomever (possessive genitive plural) you forgive the sins, they (the sins) are forgiven to them;
whomever (objective genitive plural) you hold fast [or embrace], they are held fast.”
If you want that put into English that you can actually understand, it says:
“The sins of whoever you forgive, they are forgiven;
whoever you embrace, they are embraced.”
In the gospel of John, it makes sense that the disciples would not be able to hold back, or retain the sins that were already forgiven by Jesus through the cross. After-all, it is John’s gospel that says, “For God so loved the world…”
But, more to the point of Thomas' story in which he is lost in grief, we hear of a God who embraces. “No one will snatch them out of my hand,” Jesus says in John 10:28. And, here Jesus promises the same. Thomas may be wandering in his grief, but the whole time, he is embraced by Jesus.
The very next Sunday, Jesus appears to Thomas, and Thomas gets to see and feel for himself. He gets the warm embrace that is longed for when we are lost in grief. Thomas learns that he was held fast and embraced the entire time.
So are you.
You are embraced by our Lord, Jesus Christ, no matter the wandering, the doubting, or the “lostness” of your soul.
You may feel as if you are forgotten, but you are not. You are embraced forever. Hopefully, one day in your wandering, Jesus will come to you and allow you to see that truth.
Or, maybe, just maybe, one of Jesus’ followers, who have been empowered by the Holy Spirit, will embrace you. After-all, Jesus promises them, “Whoever you embrace, they are embraced.”
Now, that is the power of God.
Who knew a hug could have so much eternal power? Who knew that a hug could heal? Hug a lot this week, and do not stop! It has the power to embrace a life for life.
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