“Lord, we do not even know where you are going. So, how are we supposed to know how to get there?”
You can hear the pleading in Thomas’ voice as Jesus says his goodbyes and, like a kick to the gut, Thomas rejects the idea of his beloved teacher leaving. How would you react if the savoir of the world told you he was going to just take off? How would you react if you were about to lose the God you loved?
I assume that we would react with the same sort of utter denial that a certain person’s older son reacted when losing his girlfriend. One of the times when his girlfriend dumped him (yes, there were more than one “dumping”), he was so blindsided by her leaving that he went into full “stalking because I’m in denial mode.”
He bombarded the girl with phone calls and texts asking what she was going to do now, and how things were going to look between them for now. What does it look like to just be friends now? Can we still dance together?
He provided a life-time’s worth of expressing his love with a never-ending stream of digital presence to this girl who just wanted to be left alone. “What are you doing right now?” “Are you OK? Because, I’m not.” “Where are you going tomorrow?”
OK, so I’m not saying that Thomas started stalking Jesus, but I am saying that he bombards Jesus with very similar, “Where are you going?” and “What are we going to do now that you are gone?” questions. What do you do when God leaves you?
There is something so hollow sounding about that question. It is as if your insides have been stolen, and everything you know to be true have been removed. We have lots of questions when it appears that we have been left behind.
Of course, all of the "What" questions that we ask are just a cover for the real questions. The real questions start with “Why.” “Why are you leaving me?” “Why can’t I come?” “Why would you choose to hurt me?” “Why is this happening?” The disciples are really asking the hidden question of why.
So, that boy I was talking about really wanted to know “why.” Why was she leaving him? Why? Was there something wrong with him? Why? Wasn’t he worth it? Why can’t she love him like he loves her? Why?
Unlike the boy's girlfriend who simply refused to respond to her obsessed stalker, Jesus answers the questions. He does not answer those “why” questions directly though. The disciples yearn to understand why he is leaving, but he does not answer like, “Well, it’s because I need to die on the cross, you see, in order to pay back the debt that you owe God because of your sins and wasted time in life. It’s all an accounting thing. I hope you understand.”
No, Jesus does not even go there. Jesus chooses not to answer those “why” questions directly. That’s why we still wonder about their answers even today.
However, Jesus does answer the disciple's yearning with a promise. He answers your yearning, your loneliness, and your doubt with a promise. It goes something like this: “Don’t worry, I have a place for you.”
Surrounding this whole conversation with the disciples, and surrounding all of our questions, fears, and doubts, Jesus provides a promise like:
“Believe…in me. In my Father's house there are many places where you can live. If that weren’t true, would I promise you that I am leaving so that I can make space for you? Listen, I would only head away to make space for you, because I intend to come back for you, so that where I am, there you may be also.”
And, when we feel distant from God, feel like we do not understand God, and feel that God is light years away from us and our very real concerns, Jesus replies, “Whoever has seen me has seen the Father…I am in the Father and the Father is in me?” In other words, Jesus says, “I promise to be right here with you. God is standing right here with you.”
We ask Jesus the question “Why?” but Jesus answers the question of “Who?” “Why do innocent children get hurt?” “Why does death even exist?” “Why can’t you make people come to their senses?” “Why does it feel like I’m alone, trying to answer all of these important questions?” “Why?”
Jesus’ answer to all of those questions is: “Don’t worry, I’m right here. Even when you think I have gone, I’m still right here. You are not alone, wandering in your questions. I’m here.”
And, really, is that not what we truly need? When a certain boy’s girlfriend dumped him, no answer to “Why?” would satisfy, but a hug from a father did. “Don’t worry, I’m right here.”
It is the plea of mothers on Mother’s Day, “Don’t worry about getting me anything, just be here with me.”
Listen to Jesus’ promise to you, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” And, the way, the truth, and the life is with you, dwelling within you. In the same way, you dwell within that way, truth, and life.
You know the love you show the world? That is actually God’s love. It is proof that God is not far away because the scriptures tell us that God is love.
If you have love, you have God.
And, if you are given the gift of love, you are given the precious gift of God's heart. God is not far away after-all. And, if Jesus’ gift to us is his loving presence, then, I guess our gift to others would be our loving presence.
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