I followed the monk, stepping in the footsteps that he made in the snow as we made our way through the fleshly blanketed forest; small specks of snow showering lightly from the trees. The monk seemed at peace. He filled his lungs full of the fresh evergreen air, and a smile came to his face. He talked gently as we walked along, pointing out the beauty of the things God had made. If he were a Disney character, blue birds would have joined him as he sang and pranced through the snow. He was not a Disney character, but he did seem to be just as unrealistic as a cartoon. Are there really people this peaceful? Are there really people so at home with God?
I was in my early twenties and was anything but at peace. I was buried under piles of college homework, and multiple voices all turned and squeezed me to perform better and faster. We had little money and little time to work for more. The more I studied God, the more God became foreign and unintelligible to me. It was too much pressure. I was not this monk.
This monk was at peace. This monk had time to enjoy the snow covered forest simply because God had created it. This monk had an understanding of God that was so simple, yet so deep. “This monk has lots of faith,” I thought. “If only I had faith like that guy! Lord, give me more faith;” as if faith was grape flavored syrup that could be spooned to a sick little boy from a bottle; as if faith were a Mustang GT that could perform faster if you simply pressed the pedal to the metal; as if faith were something that you could get in bulk from Sam’s Club on a nice Sunday afternoon.
“Increase our faith,” the disciples cry out to the Lord. They share the same desire to believe more, serve more, understand more, love more, and forgive more. Who here desires to be a better disciple? Who here wants to be more like that monk? Who here wants more faith? I know that I do! The disciples walk behind Jesus, amazed at his peace; amazed at his love; amazed at his ability to heal. How does he do that? How does he peer right into a person’s soul, discover the ill, and offer healing? How does he do that? We walk by most people and do not even see that there is an issue in the first place. Increase our faith!
Further, Jesus sits and eats with people who smell, and act nuts. And, the thing is, he truly cares about them. It is not the “Oh, I hope things get better…well I got to go. Bye,” kind of caring. He sits and eats with them as if they were beloved family. How does he do that? How does he literally stomach it? The smell alone would drive most people away. That is not even mentioning their bad habits and wasteful lifestyles. Increase our faith!
And, most of all, Jesus says, “I forgive you,” not once, but over and over and over again even as you commit the same wrong repeatedly and ask for forgiveness again and again and again. This ability to forgive is not just amazing, but if I am honest with myself, and I allow myself to offer a critique of God, I might say, “Lord, that is just plain stupid. There are just some people that do unspeakable things that simply should not be forgiven. You are all omniscient, have you not looked down and seen what they have done? I hate to say it, but I will: Lord, you are wrong. They are evil and you will just let them step on you, beat you and kill you, won’t you…won’t you?”
The Lord and I disagree on this point. I would convince the Lord to be more like me. I would convince the Lord to embrace a bit of harshness and intolerance, because some people do not deserve forgiveness and love. They are monsters. Monsters deserve nothing. Of course, I am the one desiring more faith, aren’t I? I do not see Jesus nipping at a monk’s heals, hoping for just a scrap of faith. I am the student. I am the slave. I am willing to entertain the idea that my view of the world is not broad enough to understand. The slave does not dictate commands to the master.
To me, and those like me, the Lord says, “If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive.”
The rebuking I can do, I am all over that. But, increase my faith to forgive. Lord, increase my faith!
And, right after asking, the Lord gives me a magical battery that gives me the strength of faith to be like that monk, to be a strong person of faith, to be the everlasting forgiver who just keeps going and going and going.
Of course, the Lord gives nothing of the sort to me. What the Lord gives is exactly the opposite. Instead, the Lord says, if you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you would be able to tell a mulberry tree to jump off a cliff, into the sea and be planted there, and the tree would do it.
When we reached the little forest chapel for which the monk is the caretaker, I took him aside and asked, “How did you get so much faith, because I am struggling.” A brief smile shot across his face and he looked slightly up in contemplation. “I am not without doubt. I am not without sin. I am not any different than you.” Looking at me he continued, “But, faith is not something for which you can collect a lot. You cannot get more of it by reading a many books, even if they contain lots of wisdom. Praying more will not even do it. Faith is just God being with you. It is a relationship, nothing more.”
On our way back, I stared down again, putting my footsteps in his, thinking about relationships. I guess you would never ask to have your relationship increased. That just does not make any sense. You just have a relationship. It may be good, it may be bad, it may be a little bit of both, but it is not something of which you have more or less. A relationship is a relationship. What I was seeing when I looked at the monk was not a man with lots and lots of faith. What I was seeing was a man who was simply spending time with God as he walked around the world.
“You do not have to understand anything,” Jesus says to us. “Just walk with me and trust that when I tell you to forgive over and over again that it is the right thing to do. Whether you think a person should be forgiven or not makes no difference. Just trust that I know what I am doing.”
I am reminded of a scene in the book, “The Shack.” As I recall the scene faintly, a man who is walking with God sees a sin being repeated again and again. He looks to God. Instead of seeing anger, he sees joy on God’s face. He questions God’s strange reaction, and God replies something to the effect that this person will only commit this sin 34 more times before they turn their life around. It is exciting to see them getting so close to the goal.
Maybe I do not understand things well enough to dictate to God. Without hearing forgiveness 34 more times, a person may stumble in their walk with God. Maybe, they would never arrive at the new life God wants to provide. This is very important to Jesus. He says, “It would be better for you if a millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown into the sea than for you to cause one of these little ones to stumble.”
Maybe from now on, I will not try to get more faith. Maybe from now on I will not try to impose my desires and opinions upon God. Maybe from now on I will simply walk with Jesus, follow where he goes, and forgive others when he asks. I will do it, not because I agree, but because I was asked by my master and my friend. I guess this is what being in a relationship is all about. I guess this is what faith is all about.
All Scripture quotes are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyrighted, 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A., and is used by permission. All rights reserved.
No comments:
Post a Comment