Reflection on John 20:19-31

Everyone deals with grief and fear in different ways.  Some people close themselves away from the rest of the world, lying on their beds, catching up on unseen episodes of Star Trek Discovery, while eating popcorn and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, and drinking glass after glass of whole milk. 

You say that sounds awfully specific, Pastor Jira?  Come on!  I am certain there are thousands of people who fit that description exactly…I hope.  Who is not going to come out of this quarantine needing a good marathon, or fifteen, to set their health straight again?

While many people want to be left alone, when other people grieve they want to gather with others, sharing their stories.

Still, other people will head off to work, or go running, or go do any number of things that will help them to push back the pain of the loss.

And, in the Bible we see all of the above.  Well, maybe not the Star Trek and Reese’s part, but right in the story following Jesus’ death and resurrection we see the disciples in varied states of grief as they work through the loss of the single most important person in their lives: Jesus. 

Most of the disciples choose to close themselves away.  They lock themselves away in grief and in fear of those who put Jesus to death.  They were Jesus followers, and it is not unheard of for disciples to suffer the same fate as their teacher.

So, there they are, locked away, doing nothing productive in the world.  You know what I think the disciples actually need at this point?  I think they need someone to show up and give them a good shove out the door.  I think they need a good kick in the rear end to get them off of their sorrow filled posteriors and out into the world again.

Jesus is not like me. 

Jesus knows exactly what these grief and fear stricken people of God need.  It is not a good kick in the back end.

"Peace be with you.” That is the first thing that Jesus says. 

This is no mistake or mere formality on the part of Jesus.  He understands the way we are and understands what we need.

When I am suffering behind closed doors from the continuous loop of memories mixed with regrets brought on by grief, the first thing I actually need is for the guilt and worries to disappear.  You also?  I need my mind to stop worrying about the time that I brutally chastised my father for turning my white socks pink in the wash, all because he was just trying to do something nice to a college student whom he missed. I need that kind of guilt to disappear.  And, the first words out of Jesus’ mouth when he enters our locked rooms and our locked minds are, “Peace be with you.”

With peace falling over the disciples, Jesus then offers a second gift.  Jesus gives them the gift of purpose. 

When you are wrapped up in grief, you are inherently wrapped up in yourself.  And, that is actually fine.  That is how grief works.  We need to be wrapped up in ourselves for a bit, in order to work out all the confusion that comes when you feel lost from a loved one…when you feel lost in life. 

But, the way we start to ground ourselves in normal life again is to have a purpose.  A purpose turns us outside of ourselves.  A purpose helps to realign us in the ways of God, causing us to look to the needs of the neighbor rather than solely to our own needs.

“As the Father has sent me, so I send you," Jesus tells the disciples.  Jesus gifts them the same mission that he, himself undertook.  It is a mission of healing and sharing the good news that they already know very well. 

In a time of tragic loss, Jesus provided a good friend with the purpose of creating works of art.  This person needed light in their world, so this person painted that light in sharply contrasting rays of yellows and deep blues.  This person gave each remarkable painting away to loved ones who were struggling in a similar way.  This friend was given a mission from Jesus Christ, the light of the world, to shine a light in the darkness.  And, in undertaking the mission, this person was actually touched by the light of the world.

Then there is this funny gift of breath that Jesus gives the disciples. 

Though children piling on me in the morning to awaken me is usually a picture perfect gift of family love, the onslaught on children’s morning breath certainly is not. 

Jesus’ breath, however, is not that sort of breath.  Rather, it is the same breath that gave life to the world at the very start.  It is the breath that continues to blow life and love onto the world.  It is the breath that blows the dirt off of a wounded and stained soul. 

Jesus breathes this very wind on the disciples and proclaims, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained."  As any asthmatic knows well, without breath, we are nothing.  Conversely, when we are filled with Jesus’ breath, we have it all.

There is one person missing from all of this healing.  There is one person who grieves in a very different way.  Thomas does not lock himself away.  Thomas is the get out and do something sort of griever.  And, because he was out and about, he was not present that Sunday morning to receive the gifts of peace, purpose, and breath.  And, without the gifts…well, in his own words, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe." 

Without the gifts, the grief continues.  Without the gifts, he cannot believe.  Losing his savior once was enough.  There is no reason to build up any hope a second time.  Perhaps, just he cannot.  Perhaps, he just does not have the energy.

And, that is why what happens next is pure gift.  The very next Sunday, while Thomas was with the disciples, Jesus chooses to shows up, just for him.  "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe."  The gift that Thomas gets is Jesus himself.  And, having Jesus, he receives that precious gift of faith and trust.

And, I guess that is what I pray for you today.  As these days of quarantine get long and the grief starts to mount, I pray that Jesus shows up behind your closed doors.  I pray that you be given the sudden gift of peace, purpose, and that life-giving breath.  I pray that the wind of the Spirit blow through your spaces and raise you to new life.