Peering through the clouds, using a sideways glare, I tried to see if God was watching. I was worried sick and running scared because I thought I had been caught.
I do not recall in the least what I had done. Perhaps, I had hit my younger brother. That seemed to be a regular, enjoyable sin of mine. Perhaps, I had looked at a girl with lustful intent. I had reached the age where girls were suddenly all around and I could not help but look. Or perhaps, it was the huge, enormous sin of not changing the toilet paper roll after using the last sheet. This was cause for murder with my household.
Whichever it was, I was certain that God peered around the clouds and saw what I did. I was waiting for retribution to fall from the sky in the form of a falling piano or flying tractor trailer.
I do not know exactly where I got such an idea, but it never even crossed my mind that God just might choose mercy instead of retribution.
Instead, I was stuck on that little piece of scripture from the reflection last week. You remember, we read in Romans that vengeance is God’s job, not ours. Our only job is to show love to our enemies.
That is a great take-away, if you read far enough to get to the love your enemy part. I had not gotten that far. I was stuck on the “Vengeance is mine” says the Lord part.
It is strange that I had this vengeful conception of God at that point in my life, because my pastor at the time was a great preacher of God’s grace. The guy preached God’s grace all the time. He made the love of Jesus Christ very real, even for a small child, using examples of parents loving children unconditionally and dogs loving children unconditionally.
For some reason, after listening to him I knew that my dog Sparky loved me no matter what, he slobbered up my face after-all, but I was not equally convinced concerning God.
How we see God is so important, because we will follow the God we hold in our hearts. There is the phrase, “be careful what you do, your children are watching.” I think that this is somewhat true concerning God in that we will strive to be like the God we hold in our hearts.
So, if we hold to a God of vengeance in our hearts, not only will we worry about whether or not we are being perfect, but we will also likely worry about whether or not everyone around us is being perfect. If they fall short of the mark, as they of course will, we will be convinced that they deserve to be punished. Following the example of a vengeful God, we just may personally make certain that punishment is doled out.
And, do not pretend you have never committed an act of punishing vengeance upon someone else. You certainly have at least committed that “I’m not going to talk to you for the rest of the day” sort of vengeance. If we believe that God is vengeful, we will be vengeful.
It is going to be hard to follow the advice of Paul in Romans to “owe no one anything, except to love one another” if we believe that God does not follow by the same rules. We will be ruthless judges if we are certain that God’s primary job is being a ruthless judge. However, by the same token, we just may put our lives on the line for another person if we are convinced that God has done the same for us.
Fast-forward a year or two when I was in my Freshman year, in the locker room, and a classmate was being pushed around in the shower because a deformity in his feet made him easy fodder for ridicule. Stepping in between this classmate and the bully, I took the shove intended for him, slid across the floor on a nice film of soap, and ended up on my rear-end in the gutter of the shower. Laughter ensued of course, we were immature freshman after-all, but the laughter was now on me and my classmate was able to slip away safely.
At some point in the one or two preceding years, someone broke through my image of a vengeful God and helped me understand that Jesus Christ stuck his neck out for me in a big way. It was more than his neck. He stuck his whole body out for me on the cross. At some point, I learned what it means to “be loved,” and it made a difference for that classmate.
“Owe no one anything, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.”
The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery; You shall not murder; You shall not steal; You shall not covet”; and any other commandment, are summed up in this word, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.”
These words of Paul make no sense if we do not believe God acts the same way. But life is different when we understand that Jesus Christ loved all of his neighbors (the whole world, in fact) as much as himself; dying for everyone’s sake on the cross.
He was not bound by anything else that distracted him from this love. He did not owe anyone anything. He did not have a debt that he needed to settle first or an obligation that would deter him from loving.
The only thing he owed the world was to love it.
The only thing he owed you was to love you.
You are loved by God. Life is different when you are told that you are loved.
If I had understood God’s love earlier, maybe instead of trying to run away from a God who was going to drop a piano on my head for something I did wrong, I would have used that same amount of time to go and pick flowers for my neighbor (she was a cute, little, golden-haired girl, just a year younger than myself).
That is a little self-serving, so better yet, I could have gathered those violets and shared them with the cute girl’s great grandmother who lived locked away in the house with few people coming to visit.
Life would have been different if I had realized that God loved instead of despised.
So, I am going to take some time to type a message directly to you and let you know that you are loved by Jesus Christ.
You are loved by Christ more than life itself.
That is the message of the cross. Jesus was willing to die for you.
You are loved that much.
And, I hope you allow yourself to accept those gospel words because it makes a difference in how you see the world, in how you see other sinful people like you, and in how you treat them.
In your gallery of life, where all of the major paintings of your life’s events are hung, the Apostle Paul hopes to see paintings of you hearing of God’s love. He also hopes to see paintings of you so filled with that love that you give up your other obligations…you give up all that you think you owe others…and instead use that time to love. That is what God did after-all.
Know today that God is a God of mercy, and that mercy is for you. You are loved.
Be free from that which has convinced you otherwise.
Allow yourself to “be loved.”
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